It is true. We were indeed once lovers. And because of that sincere love for one another, we promised that we would never turn our backs on each other. You believed in me, and I believed in you. You were there for me for a moment, and I was there for you for a season. Although I had to move on, I have NOT forgotten you. I left to find the truth…and bring it back to you.
That was my letter to Hiphop. Now, some who are not involved in that world may not understand to fully grasp why or how a music genre can affect a soul to the point of such acknowledgement. Smh. In response to those who may feel that way, all I can say to put you on game is this: Hiphop is not just music. It is a culture… It is a lifestyle…derived by a lost generation. It is the expression of unconquered souls (thoughts and emotions) crafted into stories and rhymes – to connect minds and lives – all by way of words…and beats. Now I don’t know if you get that, but to me, that’s deep. And to determine how deep, one must first, recognize and remember the power of words. (In the Bible, its clear that all that ever was and is, from beginning to end, were all shaped by the spoken Word of God, who himself is the Word. Also, among its many lessons, you will find that life and death itself comes from the tongue.) Secondly, be enlightened by the strength of the beat (drums). What I mean is, in the days of slavery, bound tribes spread abroad the foreign lands they were carried off into captivity to, used their drums to communicate to each other; their language was the beat pattern. That’s how they spoke. And now today, it’s astonishingly, the same movement. You get it?
Anyway, moving along…
This secret to the music is why I personally respected and admired…and yeah, loved the culture. Not to mention, I was one of the hardest spitting emcees you’d ever come across, rather underground or industry. I was so nice with the art that, back then, you could not tell me rapping was not my calling! I had all these people – a crew – friends – fans – edging me on and keeping me company. We all related in one way or another, and, I was a leader with the connection. I could build and motivate anybody with ears once they tuned into my station. That was big! And it was the biggest thing going for me. I thought, this is what I’m supposed to do for sure. I was too good; stood out too much; how could it not be? Right? Wrong…
The truth is, it was allowed of me for a season, and a reason, but it was not and never was my purpose.
So much did I look up to the game and the rappers in it. Especially those who stood out as poets cloned or emulating my own deepest thoughts and wonders and conclusions to life. I related so hard. Some of these artists spitting these rhymes were not only super skilled but they understood! They spat things that seemed so on point that I knew if and when I ever got the chance to meet them, surely they would be even more explosive in real-life! Not the case. Every-single-rapper-I-looked-up-to…let-me-down. Every last one! Not only were their superhero personas flawed, but characteristic-wise, they turned out to be human just like me. And to be even realer, I’ve come to learn that these star-emcees, actually and sadly, are not happy whatsoever and are more confused than the regular dudes around the way! Wow that was disheartening. Still, the disappointment for me didn’t and it doesn’t stop there. Despite the degrading of my televised “idols”, I feel my greatest blow to the heart came with realizing just how severely lost the entire generation is, period. I mean, straight up lost! Rather global icons or local cats on the scene, they all have major issues. And I too, just like them, was completely lost. All this time, all the time, I knew not the truth…or how to get to…or how to recognize it. All I really knew was that something about everything felt off…and dark.
So…I began to pray.
Yep. Once, I got alone, and humbled down from being so cocky and boisterous, and confessed my despair with my so-called life of “kicking it” and trying to “make it” …it is then that God, the Almighty, came for me…and changed everything by revealing my real destiny. It is here at this point when, He, himself, called my name, and called me OUT.
I made you a writer, not a rapper, for My purposes and services to the generation. You belong to Me…not them, and I will show you exactly what I want you to do for them, not by them.
That was as deep as it could get for me. And no matter how afraid I was to answer His voice and call, I had to . I had no choice. My expiration date was up! I had to leave, not to leave them behind, but to help bring them out too. The journey has been real. In this short time, it has been more genuine than anything I’ve ever experienced. My eyes are now opened, and it feels like I crawled out a dark dark cave that I didn’t even realize I was in until I climbed out. Crazy. But real. So real to the point were I have no intentions or desires to ever go back – except to pull a Harriet Tubman – seriously. Just as she, once freed, went back only to help free her brethren, so will I. A friend of mine said to me, “The Hiphop industry is like a burning building… People are running in when they should be running out.” How on point is that? I have found no loyalty in the game, because it does not know loyalty. I have not found pure love there, because it does not know love. The only thing I can assuredly say is that, somewhere somebody let the devil in the cipher. I say that because honestly, despite my initial denial, the deception in that world is great. There is no debate to this truth for me. I have heard too many lies, such as, “This is all I have. This music is all I can do.” I have witnessed too much evil, such as, disloyalty, defiled language, narcissism, distorted “love”, blasphemy, lack of sexual morality, violence, adultery, and blatant abominations in the sight of the living God. There is no fear of Him in the lifestyle and words coming out of Hiphop. Sadly, it comes off as Satanic worship more than anything else…and I’m good on all of that. I’m simply and totally not feeling it anymore. And, I’m thankful from the bottom of my heart that I was called out. For awhile, I thought music was my savior but that was a lie from the most atrocious source of evil there is – Satan. The truth is, Jesus the Christ is the only Savior. Point-Blank-Period. Its time to acknowledge that…desperately.
When I was rapping my alias was Nina Raw Venus. I never knew where the latter part of the title came from. It was like, it just came to me one day. But later (now) it has been revealed to me that Venus, the planet, is also known as the Morning Star. I didn’t realize this back then, but that name is also what Lucifer is referred as…the Morning Star. No need to say I was shook. See, that is just an example of how sneaky, manipulative, cunning, and highly-crafty he is. He was so slick with it that I didn’t realize who had given me the name. He knew my gift all along; a gift; the talent and power God had given me from the beginning of my birth and he was threatened. So he had to try and steal what was God-given to me for himself. Truthfully, it almost happened! Satan showed me the glitter and lights of an industry and culture that is really black inside – just like he who can illusion himself in the form of light and beauty. I can’t lie, with my natural eyes it was all so tempting and desirous. And I did want it…just as much as every other rapper does. But record deals fell through. Connections were cut short. Alliances broke off. Friendships loosed. Road blocked. Why? Because it wasn’t meant for ME.
My leaving the world of Hiphop had nothing to do with “wack” rappers flooding the radio or me not hustling and grinding it out hard or long enough… What it did have to do with was me selling my soul, and the grand fact, that it just wasn’t ordained for ME to do. Selling MY soul will never happen…not for nothing or nobody…ever! I know the flow of Jay Z is dope, and the swag of Kanye and Rick Ross can get real fly. Nikki Minaj seems to be living her dreams, and 2 Chainz is making a lot of money breaking all kinds of records and all that. That’s what’s up in the sight of the world, but for me, I was fortunate and disillusioned enough to see right through the smoke and mirrors. Consider all the woes they bare that you can’t see. All the alcohol and drugs they have to take. All the panic attacks behind the scenes. You can’t see any of that pain. You can’t see the full glimpse of Gucci Mane held up in a mental institute because of a breakdown. Or LiL’ Wayne having multiple seizures and nosebleeds behind problems with his brain and spirit. Nope. All the outsiders get to see is the illusion…and sadly, want it for themselves. But not I, not anymore. I see that world for what it is…dark, destructive, and misled.
So, with all of that behind me, summarized as best as I can pack it, I close with these last words:
My Dear Hiphop Generation, remember this faithfully…
Mark 8:36 ~ For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
And that right there… is why I, Stephanie (the crowned), formally known as Nina Raw Venus, left the world of Hiphop. It just wasn’t worth it.
Stephanie Acon is a published urban author who went from rapping to writing literature. Check out her bio, books, and blog at www.blackgirlcrossed.com. She can also be followed on Twitter @1Nina1queen.